Events

Awareness Awareness Day

Be sure to post about this on all of your social networks so we can cure diseases and incite political change.

Events

National Watermelon Day / Chris Porter Night

Did you guys know watermelon is 92% water? That means it’s 92% too healthy for us.

Events

Tubing down a motherfucking river like this fucking guy

HEY GUYS LIFE IS MISERABLE AND THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP.

Events

Emotional Battery & Public Humiliation Picnic

Did you guys know it's always sunny in Las Vegas?

Events

Hangover Brunch, Unlimited Mimosas

The band will probably suck but I hope to be trashed on those unlimited mimosas by the time they go onstage.

Events

Cards Against Humanity Valentine’s Day Edition

Your love life is a sinking ship and you’re becoming obese.

Events

Cards Against Trump Inauguration Party

Reach across the isle and touch someone… WITH YOUR DICK!

Events

2016 Eats a Bag of Dicks - COCKtail Party

2016 has literally just been a series of bad events.

Events

Disrespectful Cuba Libre Party: Capitalism and CAH

I know someone died and this is really exciting, but everyone please refrain from liberating your dick.

Events

Black Friday Shut-in CAH Party

Christmas is coming, so it is time to do battle!

Events

Doomsday: Election Night Watchin' Party

It wouldn't be an election unless everybody lost.

Events

Horrible Halloween Par-tay

Since we’re all gifted natural athletes we’re going to play Ronald Regan Beer Pong!

Events

National Self Improvement Month Kickoff Party

Only successful people have time for goals.

Events

Romance Awareness Month

Since I have received zero dick pics this month, I assume everyone forgot.

Events

2016 Divorce Appreciation Day

Every bad idea needs an exit strategy.