Disrespectful Cuba Libre Party: Capitalism and CAH

Remember Castro’s birthday party in August when I made all those jokes about a Cuban Missile Crisis in my mouth? Well, that party was so epic that Fidel Castro ACTUALLY DIED! You’re welcome, everyone who already thought he died 4 years ago anyway….

I will accept gifts of cash for my heroism but only because I’m being crushed under the loafers of the proletariat and materialistic af. (Yeah, it says loafers. The proletariat does not wear boots anymore so I googled “what do rich people wear besides really bad toupés?” and the answer is loafers.)

I know I sound kind of like kind of a communist but I only have one problem with rich people and it is that I am not one of them.

So let us visit Adam’s place and discuss communism, freeing Cuba or Trump’s hair. We can literally discuss anything other than our personal 9/11 conspiracy theories like a bunch of assholes. Let’s play cards smoke cigars and have a sophisticated conversation about Norwegian Burritos like the fancy capitalist motherfuckers that we are.

Note: I know someone died and this is really exciting, but everyone please refrain from liberating your dick.