Cards Against Humanity Valentine’s Day Edition

All right! Valentine’s Day is coming up! Didn’t we just do this last year? Ah, I guess time flies when you’re wasting your entire life. On this Valentine’s Day, I would like to take a moment to ridicule the movie that taught me how to love: TITANIC! Love can touch just one time and last for a lifetime? No Celine Dion, that’s just the shame of dating your ex… and herpes.

Remember when Rose told Jack she’d “never let go” right before she pushed him into the frozen depths of the Atlantic ocean? I think I speak for everyone when I say that is not an accurate depiction of divorce. I also cannot find anyone on a dating app who is willing to drown me in the ocean. So I’m calling bullshit on everything in the Titanic movie. Except for the part where it’s all cold and broken like my heart. That part still holds water.

And what about Jack? How is he not the original fuckboy? They had to make the ship sink at the end because it wouldn’t have been romantic if he lived and never called her again. I mean, he gave her a throbbing organ but it wasn’t his heart. And she wanted to get off the ship with him? That is a pretty big commitment for a dude who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio and enjoys a single lifestyle drawing French nudes. All I’m saying is that shit would have never worked out, ok?

The point is your love life is a sinking ship and you’re becoming obese. But we’ll save the obesity talk for your intervention. Anyway, just because it is Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you have to be sad. Remember no one loves you on other days either. That’s why you have us! And we’re going to help you write a special CAH Valentine for that special someone who doesn’t exist!

So we will play Cards Against Humanity Valentine’s Edition at Eric’s house in Henderson. Eric doesn’t have enough chairs for you losers, so this will be a floor picnic. Everyone bring food to share and A CLIPBOARD to write your love letter. That is not a joke. You need it for the game. Also, if you want to drink bring alcohol and if you want a date please lower your expectations.