Awareness Awareness Day
Be sure to post about this on all of your social networks so we can cure diseases and incite political change.
In 1937 President Franklin D. Roosevelt declared October 13th to be Federal Awareness Awareness Day. It was part of a critical initiative to start fixing impossible shit simply by telling other people that it existed. He encouraged supporters of the cause to wear invisible ribbons like “Excuse me, are you aware that I am wearing this invisible awareness ribbon so you too could be aware of awareness?” Today those ribbons are worth $20,000 each.
I know you may be skeptical, but did you ever hear of a little thing called CANCER? That is because of an awareness campaign! Problem solved. It also eliminated that ice bucket disease. How do you think we defeated Hitler? His suicide post got 100,000 likes on Facebook so he had to do it! There wouldn’t have even been a war if #InvadePoland hadn’t been trending on twitter that day. This. shit. works.
Avoiding awareness works too. Remember when the Apocalypse happened last weekend? Neither do I because so many people were unaware of the apocalypse that god cancelled it. (Please make sure and follow god on Instagram, he’s a bit of an attention whore.) Denial is also the reason aliens don’t exist and alcohol solves all your problems. AWARENESS. BE AWARE OF IT BITCHES.
The reason we love awareness days is because we are all lazy and we don’t care about other people. Raising awareness makes us feel like we are doing something so we can pretend we care. Everyone on facebook can see our post and it appears like a selfless act of charity. All in a hard days work. Now we're heros. Thanks, President Roosevelt!
To celebrate Awareness Awareness Day you can do the following things:
- Post using the hashtag #AwarenessAwarenessDay
- Unfriend someone on Facebook because they don’t understand the true meaning of AAD
- Send money to Hilary
- Tell people that you really care about AAD and hope that they will do something because you made them aware of it. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
- Tell someone you’ll pray for them
- Repost this post so your friends know you’re a total asshole
- Play CAH at Sean’s
Remember, it’s going to be Friday the 13th so we’re all going to be unaware of the psycho killer stalking us at this party. We won’t even hear that Jason music. Just think of this as Pre-Halloween. Bring some snacks and drinks to share before we die. Think of all the facebook tributes that will be posted in our honor!
Also, I don’t know if I mentioned this but please be sure to post about this on all of your social networks so we can cure diseases and incite political change.