Events Awareness Awareness Day Be sure to post about this on all of your social networks so we can cure diseases and incite political change.
Events National Watermelon Day / Chris Porter Night Did you guys know watermelon is 92% water? That means it’s 92% too healthy for us.
Events Tubing down a motherfucking river like this fucking guy HEY GUYS LIFE IS MISERABLE AND THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP.
Events Emotional Battery & Public Humiliation Picnic Did you guys know it's always sunny in Las Vegas?
Events Hangover Brunch, Unlimited Mimosas The band will probably suck but I hope to be trashed on those unlimited mimosas by the time they go onstage.
Events Cards Against Humanity Valentine’s Day Edition Your love life is a sinking ship and you’re becoming obese.
Events Cards Against Trump Inauguration Party Reach across the isle and touch someone… WITH YOUR DICK!
Events 2016 Eats a Bag of Dicks - COCKtail Party 2016 has literally just been a series of bad events.
Events Disrespectful Cuba Libre Party: Capitalism and CAH I know someone died and this is really exciting, but everyone please refrain from liberating your dick.
Events Horrible Halloween Par-tay Since we’re all gifted natural athletes we’re going to play Ronald Regan Beer Pong!
Events Romance Awareness Month Since I have received zero dick pics this month, I assume everyone forgot.
