2016 Eats a Bag of Dicks - COCKtail Party

I can’t even remember the last time a year wasn’t the worst year ever. 2016 has literally just been a series of bad events. The Cubs won the World Series and Harambe died in the “Year of the Monkey”. Are these the signs of the apocalypse? The correct answer is “yes." The time to get right with Jesus is now so I guess we’re all fucked. Let’s face it, the real winners of this year are the liquor stores. Did anyone try turning 2016 off and then turning it back on again?

We shouldn’t talk so much shit. There's still 5 more weeks left and a lot of us are hoping for Santa to come through BIG TIME. I’ve already spent my 2016 tax return. Plus, I honestly feel like 2016 has at least one more sucker-punch left in it.

Thanksgiving Interlude: say some shit your “thankful” for in 2016, here goes:

- McDonald's sells breakfast all day now.
- Learned that the “H” in Jesus H. Christ stands for Harambe.
- Chip cards: more time to run away before card gets declined.
- My Vines were stupid and now they’re gone forever.
- Reality TV is realer than shit.
- Burger King covered everything in fucking Cheeto dust.
- No one had to see Ken Bone’s olive colored suit.
- You can finally delete “Brangelina” from your Outlook.
- Also Brad Pitt is single again, as if you've got a chance.
- Recreational marijuana will probably prevent the next civil war.
- Florida legalized suicide, I'm def moving there now.
- Got confused so... recording videos of each other standing still.
- Fashion trend: White robes hide muffin-top AND your ethnicity!
- I think the clown sightings stopped, right? They did, didn't they?!
- Kanye West was hospitalized… Ok! Stop trying to win me back 2016, I still hate you.

New Year, New You? YEAH, RIGHT. We have successfully wasted 11 months of this year and there’s only 1 more to go! Maybe we can get through the rest of 2016 without remembering any more of it? Let’s do that at Megan’s house. We shall gorge ourselves with deep fried turkey and fill the hot tub with hot Stovetop stuffing! Turkey on our insides, stuffing on our outsides? I just invented that, YOU'RE WELCOME POSTERITY! So bring a bathing suit… or you know, *don’t*

Is anyone else incredibly turned on by the prospect of being covered in stuffing? Just me? Okay, then....

Also, we’re going to be pretty drunk so bring a sleeping bag and crash. Let’s all try and keep the sobbing to a minimum, it excites the dick wolves too much. They are majestic and passionate creatures, so crying only intensifies the rape.

LOLOL 2017: I already hate it. Sequels are notoriously terrible, so if you thought 2016 was bad just wait for 2017. This is definitely the year I finally start doing drugs. Everyone pay Megan $20 for food and drugs and lets watch 2016 eat a bag of dicks! A WHOLE bag of dicks... by itself!!! xoxo

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Party Announcement! This is now a hybrid potluck. If you do not want to pay the $20, please bring a dish for us to eat at dinner. (If you still want to pay, do it and we'll use it to buy more prime rib.) There will be no other dishes prepared, so bring a side to complete the dinner. It would be cool if everyone could post here what they're bringing....